Imagine this…..You have a brand new baby. You love this baby. You have hopes and dreams for this baby. You have worked hard to have this baby. You have prepared, planned, saved, struggled, and now the baby is here.
Would you hand it over to people who couldn’t care for it?
Would you leave it in the street and forget about it for weeks at a time?
Would you let everyone else in your life determine how the baby will be raised?
Would you ever think that maybe someone else would do a better job loving and raising your baby?
If we think of a baby we see how absurd it it, but isn’t that what we do with our business dreams from time to time?
Don’t we hand them over to people who don’t get us?
Or maybe we get scared and forget about them until we can get enough confidence.
And how many of us have let other people in life tell us that what we are doing is just a bit crazy?
The worse one? When we compare ourselves with others and determine that we just aren’t good enough to raise the baby that is our business dream.
So today the Mindset and Marketing Maven is gonna give you some powerful tips that will help you handle these “Dream Stealers” so that you will be able to actually use their funky energy as fuel to propel you to move even closer to that goals you have.
Here’s where we start – Internal and External boundaries
Solution #1 – it’s all in your head. Yep. The problem doesn’t lie in them being who they are, the problem lies in your interpretation of what they are doing, saying (or perhaps not saying or doing.) We want approval, even if we don’t admit it. We want people in our lives to ‘get’ what we are doing and support us. That’s totally normal. But there are two kinds of drives that motivate people. The quest for FREEDOM, and the desire for SECURITY. If you are a freedom seeking entrepreneur – get this – someone who values security above everything else will NEVER get you. They may think you are reckless, irresponsible, or just plain crazy for following that thing in your soul that propels the entrepreneurial dream. (In fact, one of my favorite concepts comes from Robert Kiyosaki of Rich Dad who says that if you choose security, you’ll never have freedom, but if you choose freedom, you’ll always have security.)
Questions that will make all the difference for you when dealing with these Dream Stealers –
When you step into the shoes of the person who is being negative and not understanding you, ask yourself what motivates them. How do you threaten their current status quo? If you shine, will it show them where they are playing small? If your income suddenly skyrockets, will they feel less than because theirs isn’t? Have they been raised that there is nothing more important than getting that great job and benefits so the government will take care of them? (That’s funny now, isn’t it!)
Usually they can’t support you or are tryin to keep you stuck/small because of something they fear. It’s not about you at all. When you find out what this is, it neutralizes the charge and you don’t have to take it personally.
Solution #2 – reframe it. Reframing means that we give something a different meaning, or we look at it in a different way. I’ll share a personal example. I got divorced four years ago and lets just say it DRASTICALLY changed my financial situation. So as many would be, I initially felt a bit victimy that here I was, on my own, with no 401K, much less income, and loads of ‘stuff’ that I had to work through in my prosperity consciousness. For awhile, I blamed my ex for putting me in this hard situation. I was mad that I had to make the sacrifices I did, and yet hated how that kept me in funky energy and with a wee tad of resentment if I’m being authentic here. But guess what? Today I thank him in my mind because his leaving caused a whole cascade of new growth in me that I would never have had the opportunity to experience. Now I reframe all of this as being Perfect and in Divine Order because I’m blessed by all the work I have been able to do to shift my old way of being/thinking. See, nothing changed except how I chose to look at the situation. And we all have this power.
What is it for you? When someone doesn’t believe in you – call it all good! Because if we have people who always loved and supported us, we may never have to dig deep and fight for what we want. From the old days of being a therapist, there is a theory that when there is a break in attachment/connection is really when the growth occurs because in that moment, resilience happens. Your biggest pain-in-the-butt people are really your greatest teachers. Bless them! Have you heard the expression, “Living well is the best revenge?” You don’t necessarily want anger or resentment to drive you, but these people are showing you simply a reflection of where you may not be believing fully in yourself. They act as a mirror to a weakness in your foundation, so when you learn to not take it personally or give them power, you win.
Solution #3 – “No” is a complete sentence. Don’t you love that! I have talked about internal boundaries by doing the work on your own thinking and reframing how you hold the event, but at times you just gotta say, “talk to the hand.” (Or to quote the girls in my sons school, “Talk to the booty because the hand is off duty.”) Either way, I’m giving you permission to set a boundary on taking in other people’s stuff. When I was attempting for the first time to have natural childbirth, my mom who is a nurse felt compelled to tell me everything that could possibly go wrong. Of course I used to solution #1 and could see what she was afraid of and how she was protecting me, but after awhile I just had to tell her that I appreciated her trying to love me this way, but I wasn’t willing to hear any negativity because I knew I’d need all my mental strength to protect my desire to pull off that drug free birth. (And it did–twice!)
Your number one job is to maintain your emotional energy. You are entitled to have people who support you, see your greatness, and call you out so that it can be born in you. Sometimes the Dream Stealers are in your home. That can be hard. But you have to ask yourself this….”Is it more important to stay true to myself, or sacrifice to keep the peace?” I can’t answer that for you, but I’d sure vote for #1 because if you are opting always to keep the peace, there is eventually no YOU in the mix any more.
Your number two job is to find your tribe. Where are the folks who see your greatness and get you? Where are the ones who can help you stay on track? You need to give yourself that gift.
And now….tell me your dream. I promise to hold it, love it, and see it being birthed in you…….
Blessings my tribe!