Welcome to another episode of IncredibleTalks with Mike Rafati!
Have you ever wondered how you can reduce your stress and become happier now?
To learn how business owners and high achievers can become happier, I interviewed Melanie Yost.
In this call you’ll learn:
– How to recognize the patterns that are keeping you stuck and feeling crazy
– Dis-spell the myths about happiness and learn what the research says about your ability to change your happiness level
– Learn concrete steps you can take to start being happy today
Melanie Yost is a Performance Coach and Trusted Adviser to High Achievers who are committed to getting the most out of their business and their life but are tired of making themselves crazy in the process.
Melanie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and for the last 25 years, and she has been helping people recognize the thoughts, feelings and belief patterns that are keeping them stuck and empowering them to create life on their own terms.
She can do that because her gift is in hearing the internal conflicts that are preventing people from doing, being or having what they want.
What sets high achievers apart from others?
They are the people who are wound too tight, and take things too seriously, and even though they are usually the “go to” people in others’ lives, they don’t take care of themselves. The goal for them is to loosen up!
What are the patterns of high achievers?
They have passion, so their work becomes their identity and it consumes them. If their business is good, they feel good, and if their business is slow, they stop feeling good about themselves.
They typically have high anxiety; research shows that they have strong emotional states that can be negative or positive. The passion that drives them can also consume them.
Therefore, what drives them to be successful can also be their downfall. High achievers often battle obstacles such as anxiety, depression or fear, and must constantly work to overcome them.
Being lonely, keeping to themselves, or being “the rock” is another trait that sets them apart from others.. They are the helpers and they are the people that others rely on so high achievers generally don’t ask for help even when they need it themselves.
Running a business is difficult, and people may not understand them. If things go wrong, they feel ashamed because to them, image is everything, so they don’t want to show weakness, and instead, they may they isolate themselves as a coping mechanism.
They also often feel overly responsible for things that may or may not be within their control.
When it comes to responsibly there are 3 types of people:
- People that don’t want any responsibility
- People who love to take responsibility for everyone
- People who take responsibility for their own life, but not for others. They set reasonable boundaries and let others be responsible for their own choices. Many times people who don’t want responsibility match up with those who love to take responsibility.
When you rescue people over and over, you are subtly telling them they cannot take care of themselves and they eventually start to become dependent on you.
By making people responsible for their actions, you are empowering them, and sending the message to them that it will be OK even if they fail.
What’s the solution?
A good place to start is to begin focusing on being happy. When you are happy, you can help others. Also, if you focus on encouraging someone else to be happy in an empowered way, you’ll most likely experience a bit of happiness yourself.
The quickest way to get what you want is to help someone else get what they want.
There are so many myths about happiness, and 3 biggest myths are:
- Happiness is about material things.
- You are either happy or you are not.
- If little makes you happy, then more will make you happier.
There are many levels of happiness, and most people think happiness is the emotion that we get when we buy something, but that is the most fleeing form of happiness.
Happiness comes in many other forms such as joy, contentment, love, compassion, and inner peace.
Does happiness last? It all depends on how you define happiness. If happiness means contentment that you can be happy for as long as you are content.
It all depends on what kind of happiness you experience.
You can find blessings even in tragedies. There are always positive things even in bad situations.
There are two kind of happiness:
- Natural happiness, which is getting what you want.
- Synthetic happiness, which is wanting what you get.
How can we become happier?
The best way to start is to ask yourself how you want to enjoy your life and strive to be mindful of your happiness in the present moment.
Melanie encourages people to do the following:
- Create an anger list. Find out what you are angry about and acknowledge it. Write it down and put it out there. The next step is to let the anger go, and release that energy by acknowledging that emotion.
- Create a gratitude list. Start keeping a gratitude list every day, and find new things that you are grateful for specifically on that day.
- Consciously decide how you want to feel every day. When you know how you want to feel, then look for ways to create that.
Discover what you are merely tolerating. It could be things that you don’t want to do, but you are doing them anyways because you don’t want to delegate.
Look for things that you can let go of. Spend your time in the zone of excellence.
Here is how you can Contact Melanie:
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Final Golden nugget
Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do!